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一个人在负罪感的重压下,仍有两条路可以选择。是让自己的余生都陷入自责的丛林,还是拨开云雾,关爱眼前的世界,重新开始?选择在于自己。
1 Eight years ago, I organized a retreat for American veterans of the Vietnam War. Many of the men and women at that retreat felt very guilty for what they had done and witnessed, and I knew I had to find a way of beginning anew that could help them transform. One veteran told me that when he was in Vietnam, he rescued a girl who had been wounded and was about to die. He pulled her into his helicopter, but he was not able to save her life. She died looking straight at him, and he has never forgotten her eyes. She had a hammock with her because, as a guerrilla, she slept in the forest at night. When she died, he kept the hammock and would not let it go. Sometimes, when we suffer, we have to cling to our suffering. The hammock symbolized all his suffering, all his shame.
2 During the retreat, the veterans sat in a circle and spoke about their suffering, some for the first time. In a retreat for veterans, a lot of love and support is needed. Some veterans would not do walking meditation because it reminded them too much of walking in the jungles of Vietnam where they could step on a mine or walk into an ambush at any time. One man walked far behind the rest of us so that if anything happened, he would be able to get away quickly. Veterans live in that kind of psychological environment.
3 On the last day of the retreat, we held a ceremony for the deceased. Each veteran wrote the names of those whom he or she knew had died and placed the list on an altar we constructed. I took a willow leaf and used it to sprinkle water on the names and also on the veterans. Then we did walking meditation to the lake and held a ceremony for burning the suffering. That one veteran still did not want to give up his hammock, but finally he put it on the fire. As it burned, so did all the guilt and suffering he had held for so long in his heart.
4 Another veteran told us that almost everyone in his platoon had been killed by the guerrillas. Those who survived were so angry that they baked cookies with explosives in them and left them alongside the road. When some Vietnamese children saw them, they ate the cookies, and the explosives went off. They rolled around on the ground in pain. Their parents tried to save their lives, but there was nothing they could do. That image of the children rolling on the ground, dying because of the explosives in the cookies, was so deeply ingrained in this veteran’s heart that now, twenty years later, he still could not sit in the same room with children. He was living in hell. After he had told this story, I gave him the practice of “Beginning Anew”.
5 “Beginning Anew” is not easy. We have to transform our hearts and our minds in very practical ways. We may feel ashamed, but shame is not enough to change our hearts. I said to him, “You killed five or six children that day? Can you save the lives of five or six children today? Children everywhere in the world are dying because of war, malnutrition and disease. You keep thinking about the five or six children whom you killed in the past, but what about the children who are dying now? You still have your body; you still have your heart; you can do many things to help children who are dying in the present moment. Please give rise to your mind of love, and in the months and years that are left to you, do the work of helping children.” He agreed to do it, and it has helped him transform his guilt.
6 “Beginning Anew” is not to ask for forgiveness. “Beginning Anew” is to change your mind and heart, to transform the ignorance that brought about wrong actions of body, speech and mind, and to help you cultivate your mind of love. Your shame and guilt will disappear, and you will begin to experience the joy of being alive. All wrongdoing arises in the mind. It is only through the mind that wrongdoing can disappear.
18年前,我为参加过越战的美国老战士安排了一次静修活动。在那次静修活动中,许多老战士对他们的所作所为以及亲眼目睹的事情感到非常内疚,于是我意识到需要寻求一种重新开始的方式以便帮助他们彻底转变。一个老战士告诉我,他在越南时,曾援救了一个已经负伤且濒临死亡的女孩。他把女孩搀进直升机,可是他无法挽救她的生命。她的双眼直直地盯着他,她死了,他从未忘记她的眼神。她随身带着一张吊床,因为,作为一名游击队员,她晚上得睡在森林里。她去世时,他留下了那张吊床并一直保存着它。有时候,我们受着折磨,而不得不坚持。那张吊床象征着他所有的苦难,他所有的羞愧。
2在静修期间,老战士们围成一个圆圈,坐在一起,讲述着他们的苦难,有些人是第一次谈。在老战士的静修活动中,需要许多关爱与鼓励。有些老战士不想做行走深思,因为这将使他们想起在越南的密林中数不清的徒步行走,任何时刻都可能踩上地雷或走进埋伏。一个战士远远落在我们所有人的后面,以便如果发生了什么情况,他能快速脱身。老战士们就在那种心理状态下生活。
3在静修活动的最后一天,我们为已故者举行了一个仪式,每个老战士都写出他或她熟悉的已经死亡的那些人的名字并把名单放在我们搭建的祭台上。我取了一片柳叶,用它在人名上洒水,而且也洒在老战士身上。然后我们做静行到河边为埋葬悲痛举行了一个仪式。那个老战士仍然不想放弃他的吊床,但是最终把它放在火中。它燃烧时,长久在他心里的所有内疚与悲痛也被燃尽了。
4另一个老战士告诉我们,游击队员几乎杀死了他排里所有的人。那些幸免于难的人很气愤,他们在烤曲奇饼干里放上炸药,扔在路边。一些越南儿童看见了曲奇饼干,他们吃饼干时,炸药爆炸了。他们痛苦地在地上打滚。他们的父母试图挽救他们的生命,却无能为力。孩子们在地上翻滚以及因曲奇饼干里的炸药而垂死的景象深深铭刻在这位老战士的内心。现在,20年以后,他依然不能与儿童共处一室。他一直生活在苦境之中。他讲述了这个故事以后,我给他说了“重新开始”的惯常做法。
5“重新开始”并不容易。我们需要用非常理智的方法彻底转变我们的内心与思维方式。我们也许感到羞愧,可是羞愧并不足以改变我们的内心。我对他说:“那时你害死了五六个儿童吗?今天你能挽救五六个儿童的生命吗?由于战争、营养不良与疾病,世界各地都有儿童正在面临死亡。你只想着过去害死的五六个儿童,可是现在垂死的儿童怎么办呢?你们仍然有躯体,你们仍然有心肠,你们可以做许多事以帮助目前垂死的儿童。请燃起你的爱心,在自己的有生之年,做一些帮助儿童的工作。”他同意这样做,这有助于他彻底转变他的内疚感。
因为在这之前你一直都是单相思,你从来没有让他看出来,你对他有意思也好的眷恋之情。
你要是,所以我们在面对很多事情的时候,要勇敢。今天是明知道做他会失败,但是我们依旧不会放弃失败一次,可以在重新开始第二次。
就是在不久之前我和一位同学一起交流的时候,得到的感悟,因为在他考研的时候他就有这样坚定的想法,所以到最后成绩很不错。
虽然我们不动声色地听说说身边发生的这些故事,但是当他们真的很优秀的时候我们也不会真的无动于衷,我们也会内心有羡慕,有嫉妒,各种各样的想法。
有一次数学考试,我才考了60分,很多同学都考了80分以上。这么低的分数,顷刻间化成冰雹,把我的脑袋砸晕了。我的头沉重得抬不起来。我想,算了吧,就是这样。我从没有想过我要努力,超过那个第一名。作文题我得了17分。回家后,我又拿起语文试卷看了起来。忽然,我的眼前一亮,原来作文的题目就是“跌倒了,再站起来”!我又读了作文材料里那段名人赠言:“不要因为某一个梦想未曾实现,而放弃你所有的梦想;不要因为某一次努力曾经失败,而放弃所有的努力……”这则名言,给了我信心和力量。我拿出数学试卷改正做错的题目,不会做的,第二天又去问了老师。
从那以后,我每天上课都专心地听,不东张西望,认真完成老师布置的作业,老师提问,我都积极的举手回答。老师们都夸我表现好呢!又一次测验来了,我是100分!我还担心自己的眼睛花了。因为我努力了,奋斗了,成功又回到我的身边!
有一次,我在草坪里玩耍。突然看见一群黑乎乎的东西,还有一块豆腐干大小的面包。哈哈,是一群蚂蚁要把面包抬回家呢!面包对于它们来,似乎很重。它们只要迈出一步,就会被面包压垮。两分钟过去了,它们只不过才挪出5毫米长的路。它们跌倒了,再爬起来继续抬。我一直目不转睛地盯着它们,半个多小时过去,它们终于把那块面包弄进了洞里。我被深深的震撼了。蚂蚁的这种精神,多么值得我们学习——跌倒了,再爬起来。
2、你不愿意种花,你说,我不愿看见它一点点凋落。是的,为了避免结束,你避免了一切开始。
3、春暖花开,万物复苏,一切都将重新开始,一切正在重新开始。
4、拥有崭新的心态视野,梳理告别过去的负累,这也是新的开始。
5、今天不是昨天的延续,而是新的开始。
6、无论过去我们留下的美好明艳的成功,还是不堪回首的失败,我们都必须放下它们,重新开始,如此才能开创崭新的局面。
7、一切都可以重新开始,希望就在前方。
8、总有人,永远都在这浪潮里,感受着时代的风浪,和时代一起并肩前行,也许摔倒过,但下一个浪打来之前,他们又调整好了姿态。
9、一段路,走了很久,依然看不到希望,那就改变方向;一件事,想了很久,依然纠结于心,那就选择放下;一种活法,坚持了很久,依然感觉不到快乐,那就选择改变。放下过去,让一切重新开始。
分班表也出来了,在11班,看了一下班级表,只有一个我认识的,还是初中同学,还好还好,至少可以重新开始了。
已经好久了,好久没有这样听着歌敲键盘了,张杰的《给女儿的一封信》循环听了好多遍,很感动,真的很感动,或许吧,这个世界不是预期的模样,也或许是柴米油盐包裹着大胆的梦想,但是也要学会成熟一样保持善良。最近这一个星期真的是虚脱了,每个中午都在教室写物理化学生物题,对于一个准文科生,合格考也是大问题,睡眠很少,晚上也要到11点才睡,最后感觉考物理的时候状态不太好,化学偏难,所以这两门可能会过不了,但是因为努力过了,所以没有很伤心很担心,大概自己是信命了的吧,回家后就看了一直想看的《烟火》,真的很喜欢日本的动漫电影,越来越喜欢了。
又开始要把作文读书电影之类的拾起来了,爸爸妈妈说我给自己的压力太大了,大概也许吧,但是以后,很想像现在这样,一直一直快乐下去!
好久没这样随意写写了,也好久没有读书了,很害怕会生疏,大概没有那么抑郁了,大概想要习惯快乐又不失感性了,所以只是希望我的文字里还是有那些感觉,但是充满阳光与温暖。
最后一天晚上,自己在高一13班的教室呆到最后一个,回忆了很多很多,然后轻轻的关了灯,灯灭在教室的那一刻真的很想哭,这一年经历了太多事情,学会了成长,想要留下的也都留下过了,痛苦与快乐是并行的吧,也不知道没有了那个事事袒护我们的班长还会不会活的很随意幸福,不知道没有了那个很疼我们的班主任,以后宿舍扣分会不会被走读,班长说,以后看到哪个人在宿舍唱歌,一定要想到“老子”班曾经也有那个唱歌很牛掰的谁谁谁,以后再见,碰了面一定要打招呼,一定要笑着打招呼,就像,就像我们依旧还在一起。
第一次这么舍不得一个集体。
尽管吵闹,尽管因为我的易受伤体质,亲手推开了身边的人,然后自己找了一个角落疗伤和调整,我知道我改变了很多,有些东西不想去表达了,不想写下来了,不想让别人看到了,甚至,不想让自己看到了,但是,至少也在变好,在很努力的保持好的样子,而那些不好的,就让他们留在青春中,作为不成熟的回忆。
大概只有经历些什么,人才会学会改变。